How to raise a child happy?

Every loving parent is given the matter. The answer has to look in the books, since neither the family nor the school nor the institute we are not taught how to properly treat infants and older children.



However, most authors of books on child care, not only do not know the answer to this question, but do not even understand its essence. They believe (and sometimes forced to believe that their parents), that the happiness of the child entirely composed of dry diapers, baby food and stuffed animals.



Often in our quest to give the child "everything he needs, we pass the most important - of what he needs not just to survive but to grow up happy. We are not only poorly know and understand the true needs of our children, but also used to shift the responsibility for their health, education and security to someone else: we are giving birth to children in maternity wards, if they get sick - attach to the doctor, pay to educate them in children's gardens and then to school. But those to whom we entrust our children, too, are rarely aware of what needs the child to be happy, and they also learned about children from books by authors who do not have any idea about happiness.



A vicious circle: everyone thinks they know how to raise happy children, or believes that it is necessarily known educator in a kindergarten or a teacher at the school. But in fact, almost no one knows, partly because they have never met people who can - without any books, just follow my instincts - to be happy and properly raise their children.
Books are not like all

I'm on his experience had convinced a few intelligent books on raising children. When my wife and I wanted to give birth naturally arose the need for something to read about pregnancy, birth and upbringing, because we, like most young couples have about this very vague idea.



Of all the books that we got into the hands (and there were dozens), the vast majority is either collections of sometimes conflicting advice, or abstruse treatises.



The practical utility of both groups was small, because every sensible parent could, a little thought, without any books himself to answer most questions on childcare. The more useless to know what and at what age a child should be able to do much to gain in weight over the month and so on - all these instructions are based on averages and do not have nothing to do with individual names to your baby.



Compare the usual book about caring for a child with any book about animals and you will see how similar they are. Begins to seem that the child - the same nesmyshleny puppy need time to feed, wash and put a walk - that he was satisfied with life, affectionate and not marred by hearing parents of host-Layanna tuneless wailing.



Of all the books on parenting, much is allocated only a few. One of them previously unreleased in Russia - "How to raise a child happy, or the principle of continuity" Ledloff Jean (Jean Liedloff, "The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost"), - has made us so impressed that we contacted with the author and agreed to the publication of books in Russian. My wife and I translated this book and found a publisher. Soon it will be printed in the Moscow publishing house "Genesis".
Iskala diamonds, found happiness

In the early 70-ies a young American woman from an aristocratic family, Jean Ledloff, dropped out and went traveling around Europe. In Florence, she met two Italians, who went to the jungles of Latin America in search of diamonds and invited her along. Without thinking, she agreed, and after a while all three were already in impassable jungle forests of Venezuela. And there, in the hundreds of kilometers from the nearest settlement, Jean Ledloff met with happy people. They were Indians Yekuana.



Jean noted with surprise that Yekuana happiness - the normal state of every person. They were always joyful and smiling and even illness or other misfortune perceived with the same peace of mind. We Yekuana no criminals, no power, none of them suffered from depression or other mental illnesses. They were not afraid to be themselves, have always behaved naturally and freely and to respect the freedom of everyone to express themselves.



Yekuana worked hard - and cultivated gardens, went to hunt, build huts - but any work perceived with joy. They did not even such thing as "work" - any occupation was a good time ...

Trying to understand why so much happier Yekuana Westerners, Jean came to the conclusion that the main reason - in a variety of child-rearing. Moreover, having lived with the Indians two and a half years, she realized, than their child-rearing is different from ours, and why their children grow up happy, and our whole life to remain "difficult teenager". Jean returned to Europe and wrote about his discoveries in his book "How to raise a child happy: the principle of continuity", which became a bestseller in many countries.



One well-known psychologist, John Holt, said about this book: "If there is a book that could save the world, then this book before you." These words - not an exaggeration, because the diversity of the worst problems facing humanity - war, crime, suicide, poverty, hunger, disease, depression, drug and alcohol abuse, pollution and destruction of nature - the only manifestation of internal trouble modern man. And as luck or misfortune to begin in the same place and a new life - from birth and upbringing of the child, the right attitude towards children, we not only provide them with physical and mental well-being, but also making the first and most important step toward a more joyful and humane unit of society, a world without violence and suffering.
Listen to yourself

We Yekuana no written language and therefore there are no books on child rearing. Meanwhile, they are unmistakable in all the details they know how to deal with the child. Where do they have such knowledge?



First, the girls from early childhood Yekuana learn from their parents (and other fellow), childcare. They learn without any lessons and explanations of adults - just watching the behavior of mother and infant. As a result, already by the age of four girls Yekuana master all the subtleties of child abuse and continuously and with great pleasure to participate in caring for kids.



Secondly, Yekuana have not forgotten how to listen to yourself. Today, we are civilized people, almost forgot that the ability to properly raise children laid in each of us by nature. For every animal knows how to deal with their calf. Especially people. We can listen to their own maternal and paternal instincts, to hear them and follow them. Only thus can we understand what our children expect from us, and grow them happy.



What does it mean to listen to yourself? Observe their child. Try to understand what he wants, what awaits us. Now watch them and feel that we want to do.



At first, it is quite difficult, because we are accustomed to not feel, and think. Moreover, due to the fact that our parents (and then tutors, teachers, etc.) at the time wrongly treated us, our feelings can be distorted.



For example, crying - is a signal the child that something is wrong. The child may be fed, dry, healthy, rested and at the same time crying. In response to such "gratuitous" crying, many parents are irritated, shouting and shaking their children, or even beat them. Even those who outwardly behaved with dignity, often within a "boil" and expressed his irritation in some way yet. Can understand the parents. They make for a child "all that is possible", but he is unhappy. Why? Because, again, we do not understand what the child expects from us.
Congenital expectations of the child

We have lungs, to breathe the air, water-proof skin to protect from the rain, her hair in the nose to avoid inhaling dust, etc. All of our structure, both physical and spiritual - is the expectation of certain conditions in the surrounding world . Child is born with these expectations. Where nature knows that require a person in your life? Through the experience of countless generations of ancestors. The child expects to meet in the world that with which his ancestors had experienced.



Moreover, each waiting for by the child, consistent with innate abilities, which are implemented as soon as there are the expected conditions. For example, once a child is born (meeting the expectations), he begins to breathe (achieved ability); finding the mother's breast (meeting the expectations), the child begins to suck (achieved ability), etc. If anything, what awaits the child, not comes across in his life, his ability does not develop fully. In addition, the person continues to seek satisfaction of unfulfilled expectations, and in adult life.



Everything related to the physical expectations and abilities, more or less obvious and understandable. But man laid many needs less obvious but equally vital. These that the needs and does not notice the modern civilized society.
Why wear a baby in her arms?

One of the fundamental needs of the child's birth - is to be worn on the hands of the first months of life. Nine months of pregnancy, the child has been inextricably linked with the mother, and suddenly, being born, is separated from it. In order for this separation was not traumatic, the child for a long time to constantly be with her mother, to feel her warmth, hear the pounding of her heart, to be able to touch her breasts. Only in the hands of her mother's child feels totally secure and, moving with his mother, receives a variety of experience he needs for proper development.



Jean Ledloff was one of the first authors, in the mid 70's write about it. Well, that today, many parents are children in their arms. And good thing that many are doing it deliberately, knowing what is expected of them and their baby.
As a child learning to life

At its birth, the child is expected that adults will show him how to live in this world. Children learn primarily by the example of parents, learning their way of life. Everyone knows how remarkably easy baby learns a language spoken by parents and others. But the language - only one aspect of learning child. He observes the behavior of the people around him and begins to imitate them, thus preparing them for adult life.



But what happens if the child is separated from the daily life of parents, if he can not see how working adults? There disorientatsiya child. In those years and months, when the personality is formed when the baby can be surprisingly easy to learn the way of life of parents and learn from him, he is deprived of this opportunity. Rather than take care of these babies and gain experience caring for a child, girls are forced to play with dolls, which are unlikely to help them prepare for motherhood.



A child learns best if you have the opportunity to participate (at first passively and then actively) in the present study of adults. The child expects that adults would not give him more attention than it really needed. The child expects that his mother will not be fully devote themselves to caring for him - it must lead a normal life adult human activities.



Yes, the child tends to adopt a way of life of parents. However, in the child and laid down certain expectations of how this way of life should be. Millions of years man lived among the plants and animals, under the rays of the sun and the rain pours down and move a lot. The child expects the parents will keep it that way of life. Of course, the adaptability of man is great, and, eventually, the child learns to live in an apartment and to the urban lifestyle, but he will lose integrity and harmony. In man laid the expectation to live with nature, and not among the dead walls of a house.
Doing what you expect from

Children by nature are social and do what is expected of them. This explains the sometimes seemingly inexplicable behavior of the child.

Let's see what's behind the words "Caution: Do not break it the cup!". It turns out that the child expects that he can break a cup. Therefore, in obedience to his instincts to do what was expected of him, the child actually drops the cup and splits.



The same principle works when the children are doing something in reverse: they say one thing while they are doing just the opposite - just because an adult show them that expects them to such behavior. For example, "Do not eat candy before dinner!" means "I expect that you will eat candy before dinner"; "a lesson" means "I expect that they can not learn" and, "Look, do not obozhgis" means the expectation of a burn. This principle works so smoothly, that children are often even go to self-harm, to meet the expectations of parents.



I think that every parent should take this principle into account. Consider it is especially important when it comes to child safety. Nature in the child lies extremely well-developed capacity for self-preservation. Jean Ledloff watched as infants Yekuana play with sharp knives, taking them over the edge and waved them in different directions. In doing so they not only ranyatsya, but do not harm others. Just learned to crawl kids are playing without any supervision on the edge of the precipice. Yet nobody says to them: "Be careful, do not fall!" or "Get away from the precipice!" - Everyone understands that the children will never fall.



Conversely, if the parents take care of the child's safety, he ceases to care about it yourself. And it turns out that the slightest inadvertence is fraught with the accident: first, because all of their behavior, parents show the child that he had nothing to worry about their security, and secondly, because it would be expected to cause the presence of a harmful habits.



Here are just a few things that parents are beginning to notice, if carefully monitor each other and for their child. Such a relationship with the child for most of us are unaccustomed, as we are brought up quite differently. But as soon as we begin to understand what your child wants from us, and with respect to its needs (at first, it is difficult: many things have changed in themselves and their way of life), both from a crying baby and capricious it becomes cheerful and accommodating. Otherwise, can not be it, because so born to be everyone - happy being in harmony with itself and the world.
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Dangers of "fresh" sex

In season resort novels again become particularly topical issue of sex with new partners, in particular - its medical aspect. What are the risks to your health are the new relationship, and how to prevent these dangers?

The first problem, which rightly should consider a woman for sex with a new partner - is an unwanted pregnancy or the risk of forced use of emergency contraception. <
Perhaps, in the first place, these dangers are relevant to adolescent girls or just too careless women. Basically after 20-25 years formed a very clear vision of its own responsibility for a possible pregnancy and understanding of all the dangers of emergency contraception (unfortunately, often derived from bitter experience).

Therefore, most women enjoy fairly stable, or other reliable contraceptives. The problem lies elsewhere - because now, pills and intrauterine devices advertised as the most reliable and safe methods of preventing pregnancy, many women do not, all bets on them and forget about condoms.
Generally most people are somehow too easy to relate to the risk of contracting as a result of unprotected sex. One of the main arguments - "if a person is adequate, then it will not deliberately infect other people, and will be treated." But even if we assume that this is so, plus you have 100% of the inadequacy of the scent, you still forget about the "meanness" infections.

A person can be peddler disease, even without knowing it - either because he himself pathogen has not yet passed the incubation period, either because of the peculiarities of the immunity of infection in this particular person occurs virtually asymptomatic. <
Forgetting about these nuances, many believe that it is sufficient to prevent pregnancy, and then the only danger is AIDS, which can be contracted except by a drug addict. We will not duplicate the arguments about the actual spread of AIDS in Ukraine (they are quite on the internet). "Normal" venereal disease - also not so harmless, as assumed. <
First, their treatment by itself - it's not a pleasant one. Suitable enough toxic chemicals, which disrupts the liver, kidneys, immune system and the whole organism. Many of these diseases can lead to very serious consequences, which in ten or twenty years might well emerge in the nervous and cardiovascular systems.
Finally, even if you bypass the complications, all the same - with respect to modern doctors to the patient and their duties, you get a 70-90% probability of chronic non-specific genital infection as a "necessary consequence of therapy."

Therefore, sex with a new partner it is necessary to use a condom. This rule remains in force until such time until you are sure (it is desirable - with the help of laboratory tests) in the absence of each other any diseases, sexually transmitted diseases.

Technology condom use is described in the instructions to him, which is very useful to periodically review again - just in case.

Unfortunately, there are illnesses that are not saved and a condom. This is particularly genital herpes, papillomavirus infection, syphilis, as well as some other more rare in our time of illness. During holiday novel only thing that will save you from these diseases - your luck. Although some things you can do all the same.

Try to choose an adequate and not too selfish partner. First sex is desirable to have the light - then you at least be able to review in advance of his skin, especially in the genital area. Any rash there - a serious signal of danger.

Even if you use a condom according to the instructions and well-considered a partner for genital herpes, the risk is still there. There is the myth of the complete harmlessness of oral sex in terms of transmission. Reason for this is a myth - indeed, if such contact risk of infection is many times lower. But the risk is still there! Therefore, if you do not like oral sex without a condom, it is better to abandon the pleasure during the holiday romance.

Men are always right?

Conflicts escorted us life. We used to talk about conflicts of national, religious, class level. But the question of the relationship between men and women often leave without proper attention. It's so hard to build a harmonious relationship where the interests of men and women sometimes radically different! <
With the majority of men is useless to argue, because the representatives of the stronger sex sometimes overly self-confident in their actions. Their worldview has historically been formed so that man will never admit their wrong. And in this growing conflict wisdom of women is not to point out his mistakes, but only subtly and skillfully nudge to their awareness. After all, our mistakes, we can only admit to themselves.
Typically, marital conflicts generated by three factors:

- Different perceptions of masculinity / femininity;
- Unacceptable behavior in married life;
- And, indeed, the most mistake when choosing a life partner.

So if you believe that your man - it is the very person you want, then be sure that any conflict situation can be resolved. The main obstacle on the part of men can only serve as stubbornness, but from the women - excessive emotionality. And if you do not really aims to effectively break in the midst of conflict, the old hateful you set, try to consider the situation from a logical point of view. Do not forget that your grievance or dispute can only worsen the situation, but it does not fix the cause.

Try to ask yourself such questions:

- What I want to achieve in this situation?

- As far as my interests at variance with the interests of my partner? (After all, if you want to go on vacation in Bulgaria, and your man - to Turkey, it does not mean that your interests diverge. Because in the end you want the same - to go on holiday to the sea).

- How can I convince him to want to do this? Remember what I said D. Carnegie? "In the world there is only one way to persuade someone to do something. It is necessary to compel a man to want it. " Then do the same so that your man imbued with a passionate desire to go is in Bulgaria! Tell all the delights of this country, to take the initiative themselves and try to find a hotel, the beach and places that you would like to visit. Just interested in it!
The secret of a harmonious relationship between man and woman is that everyone should respect each other's interests. For women, it is essential to achieve it and all the effort was appreciated by a man. But for many men it is important result. And while a woman craves compliments on her efforts for men to talk about the obvious seems pointless.

Therefore, try to think in terms of your men. For example, if the evening did not quite take the initiative in a conversation with you, do not take it personally or indifference on his part. In the end, his day's quota of words three times smaller than yours! And if he watching TV totally does not notice your existence, it is only because the male brain differs from the female and male is not able to do two things at once.

But life can also be a situation where the conflicts and changes in the relationship simply can not avoid. And it's great! After all, man and woman are created as a unity of opposites, like people who think differently, but still together. A different way of thinking gives rise to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Imagine for a moment life without disagreements and conflicts! When all is quiet, smooth, "without a hitch. Life is incredibly quiet, ordinary and sometimes boring. In this case, a full understanding of each other will lead to loss of interest on the part of men, as every woman should be something special and unsolved. Woman should be a mystery!

Conflicts - that's life, the air, without which we can not exist. The air makes the fire power, life, fills it with paint. But the lack or excess can also lead to the attenuation of the fire. Be able to express their feelings openly and directly! Calmly tell him that you are extremely angry that he threw your favorite table lamp, inherited from great-grandmother. And perhaps this is the beginning of a constructive dialogue, as well as your joint campaign in the store. However, in this case, a lamp, he is unlikely to get away ...

Wonder about sex

- 25% of women believe that wealth makes a man more sexually attractive.
- Biochemical reactions that cause sex is no different from eating large quantities of chocolate.

- Latin American women on average have sex more often than representatives of other nations.

- Women who love to pass tests in women's magazines, according to statistics are five times more lovers than other women

- The girl lost her virginity to 18 years, on average, twice more sexually active than the one that said goodbye to her virginity, after 18 years.

- Women who love sex, less focused on achieving results than those who treat sex casually.

- Representatives of the black race to 50% more likely to reach orgasm every time they have sex.

- 20% of women who live with a man, have another lover.

- The more educated a woman - the higher the likelihood that it excites the idea of anonymous sex.

- Sex can burn 360 calories per hour.

Physiotherapy for baby

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If a child is too much time in the crib, stroller or riding school, in the future this may lead to obesity. Activity at an early age helps to maintain good physical shape and in the future.

Lack of exercise retards the development of infants and the onset of the important skills such as crawling and walking. It is therefore important to encourage the motor activity of the child from the very first months of his life.

Be sure to play with the baby in different games like "ladushek" and "cuckoo". When the baby is awake and in good spirits, put it in a safe place where he can move independently, crawl, roll over and explore the world around us.

Another great way to develop the child's activity - enroll in special classes, where children play and discover many new things under the supervision of parents and together with them. Such studies are usually learn the songs, playing outdoor games, children are equipped with various slides, tunnels, sliding track etc.

Exercise with baby

To engage in physical activities together, not necessarily written in a children's gym. You can do at home with your child the following exercises:

Warning Do not do exercises 1 and 2, if your child is not holding the head or you have problems with the loin.

1. Lifting child

· Lie on your back and bend your knees.

· Keep your child's chest.

Slow lift the baby, supporting his mid-torso. Pull the arm, leaving your elbows slightly bent.

· Keep your child's weight and count to five. Then lower the child and put it on his chest.

· Repeat.

The result: The exercise strengthens the elbows, shoulders and chest.

2. Lifting legs

· Lie on your back with your knees bent, and uprites soles of the feet on the floor. Put your baby on his legs, holding his belly down and face him. Firmly holding his hands.

· Tighten the muscles of the press and the buttocks, lower back pressed to the floor.

· Raise the legs together with your child so that the legs were parallel to the floor.

· Hold them in that position until the count to 3.

Slow toes.

· Repeat.

The result: The exercise strengthens the front thigh muscle.

Exercises for children

Try to arrange for your child's little training. These classes will improve his digestion, and coordination, as well as help him relax.

1. Bicycles

· Put your baby on his back.

· Carefully pull out the legs of the child, and then bend their knees. Do these movements alternately left and right leg.

The result: The exercise easier, and colic eliminates gases.

2. Tyanis and creep

· Turn the child on his tummy.

· Put his favorite toy so that he could not reach her before.

· Encourage your child to reach or crawl to a toy.

· When he grabbed her again, repeat the game until the child is tired.

Result: A child learns to move and use both sides of the body. In the future this will help him learn to read and write.

3. Push it!

· Put your baby on his back.

· Put a small soft toy around his feet.

· Encourage him to push a toy with his foot.

· If the child does not want to push the toy, slide it close, so that he felt the soles of her feet.

· Try to keep your child to use both feet.

· Call your child what he does. You say: "You're pushing a toy!".

Result: The child learns that you can do legs. He also begins to understand the connection between cause and effect.
Rx Hawaii

Help to child with autism

What is autism?

Autism - a violation of the human ability to communicate and interact with others. Autistic brain works differently, and therefore such a child develops differently. Parents are often concerned that the baby does not talk like other children his age.

Autism is found in 2.6 children in 1000. Boys suffer from this disorder is four times more often than girls.

What problems threaten to autistic children?
Each child with autism is manifested in its own way, but there are common features. Communicate

* Children begin to talk late or not at all say
* Difficulties in the use of gestures, facial expressions, intonations
* Repeated words or phrases without understanding their meaning
* They say unnaturally loud or monotone

Communication Skills

* They prefer solitude
* Interested in other people, but do not know how to communicate with them
* Does not like being touched or picked up
* Do not like to look into the eyes
* Not listening, conversation is one-sided
* Poor understanding feelings - like strangers, and their

Behavior

* Tend to be repetitive, monotonous action, do not like change
* Sensitive to visual, tactile and audible impressions
* Excessive tied to his hobby or subject
* Show aggression and anger

Signs of Autism
Talk to your doctor if you notice that the development of the child deviates from the norm, for example, if one year old baby is not babbling and waving goodbye to handle. The doctor will observe the child's behavior. Early detection of autism makes prognosis more favorable. In this case, more likely to adjust the development of the child.

Treatment: children under 3 years
Treatment is directed at solving specific problems (often with speech and behavior). Children are taught communication skills and encourage their success.

If a child has problems with coordination of movements and a sense of balance, physical therapists work with him. Parents are taught how to deal with children at home.

What to do at home

* Check how you can schedule a more permanent status and occupation
* Praise, encourage their child. For example, let him play with a favorite toy, if he did something good
* Demonstrate the love of a child with all means available. Attention and care - the best support for any child.

Treatment: children older than 3 years
With autism often learn at home. In large cities there are special centers and schools for these children. May be needed as classes with a speech therapist and psychologist.

Medicines
Medication can help to solve some problems with the child's behavior. Against the background of their child is receiving more adequately behave in school and in other social situations. Antidepressants are used to eliminate compulsive disorder, and stereotyped behavior. They can also improve social skills, in particular, facilitate the establishment of visual contact with the child. When hyperactivity assigned the same drugs as in the case of attention deficit disorder.
What will happen to my child?
Autism is not curable, but a meaningful and successful life, even with such a diagnosis is possible. Many adults live alone and engaged in intellectual activities, such as programming. Other life in need of assistance. Success in adult life depends largely on intelligence, personality characteristics and on how well he learned to interact with other people.
Rx Washington

New recommendations for the identification of autism

Parents often instinctively feel that their baby is something wrong, but not with whom to share their doubts. Sometimes take months or even years, before doctors diagnose "autism".

In 2007, the American Academy of Pediatrics issued new recommendations designed to help parents and doctors to recognize early signs of autism, allowing him to begin treatment as soon as possible. Although the disease is incurable, early medical intervention helps the child to realize the maximum available to it potential.

Recommendations suggest to check all children aged 18-24 months, if they have symptoms of autism, regardless of complaints or concerns of parents. During the regular inspection of a physician with special techniques can assess the speech and overall development of the child.

The risk of autism greater if a brother or sister of the child is already diagnosed, or if the parents, nurse or doctor expressed concern about his behavior. If any of these circumstances, recommended a more detailed examination.

Early signs of autism may appear during the first months of life. Their early detection can begin treatment early. Notify child's doctor if you notice that your child:

* Does not smiling or smile very little. Babies begin to smile, to attract the attention of other people already in the first months of life.
* Avoid looking people in the eye. In normal as early as 2-4 months, children establish eye contact with her mother, father and other relatives.
* Do not respond to his name. Usually a baby begins to respond to his name in 10 months.
* Not asked when you tell something or say: "Look here." In a normal reaction to such a request is already being marked with 10-12 months.
* No points to objects or people aged 12-14 months.
* No babbling. The child usually begins to babble with the 6-months. 8-10 months babbling becomes more complicated, the child begins to fold the sounds into syllables and words ( "ba-Nay-mA). Infants begin to imitate sounds and speech intonations of the native language.

In the presence of the following symptoms should seek medical advice immediately:

* One year old child is not babbling or pointing to objects
* A child of 16 months not even pronounce some words
* The kid in the 24 months does not say simple phrases of two words
* There is a regression in development - loss of speech and communication skills - at any age.

Share with your doctor any complaints about speech development and communication skills in a child (especially in the presence of regression). Approximately one in four children with autism and other related disorders, starts but then stops talking. This usually occurs in 15-24 months. Sick children may lose other previously acquired skills: the ability to specify a view, he waved his hand, making eye contact. The apparent regression in development - it is an occasion to refer to a specialist.
Treatment can begin even before they will be diagnosed with autism. The earlier correction of speech and behavior, the greater the benefit to the patient in the long run, and the higher the chances that he can lead a normal life.
Rx Montana