How to raise a child happy?

Every loving parent is given the matter. The answer has to look in the books, since neither the family nor the school nor the institute we are not taught how to properly treat infants and older children.



However, most authors of books on child care, not only do not know the answer to this question, but do not even understand its essence. They believe (and sometimes forced to believe that their parents), that the happiness of the child entirely composed of dry diapers, baby food and stuffed animals.



Often in our quest to give the child "everything he needs, we pass the most important - of what he needs not just to survive but to grow up happy. We are not only poorly know and understand the true needs of our children, but also used to shift the responsibility for their health, education and security to someone else: we are giving birth to children in maternity wards, if they get sick - attach to the doctor, pay to educate them in children's gardens and then to school. But those to whom we entrust our children, too, are rarely aware of what needs the child to be happy, and they also learned about children from books by authors who do not have any idea about happiness.



A vicious circle: everyone thinks they know how to raise happy children, or believes that it is necessarily known educator in a kindergarten or a teacher at the school. But in fact, almost no one knows, partly because they have never met people who can - without any books, just follow my instincts - to be happy and properly raise their children.
Books are not like all

I'm on his experience had convinced a few intelligent books on raising children. When my wife and I wanted to give birth naturally arose the need for something to read about pregnancy, birth and upbringing, because we, like most young couples have about this very vague idea.



Of all the books that we got into the hands (and there were dozens), the vast majority is either collections of sometimes conflicting advice, or abstruse treatises.



The practical utility of both groups was small, because every sensible parent could, a little thought, without any books himself to answer most questions on childcare. The more useless to know what and at what age a child should be able to do much to gain in weight over the month and so on - all these instructions are based on averages and do not have nothing to do with individual names to your baby.



Compare the usual book about caring for a child with any book about animals and you will see how similar they are. Begins to seem that the child - the same nesmyshleny puppy need time to feed, wash and put a walk - that he was satisfied with life, affectionate and not marred by hearing parents of host-Layanna tuneless wailing.



Of all the books on parenting, much is allocated only a few. One of them previously unreleased in Russia - "How to raise a child happy, or the principle of continuity" Ledloff Jean (Jean Liedloff, "The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost"), - has made us so impressed that we contacted with the author and agreed to the publication of books in Russian. My wife and I translated this book and found a publisher. Soon it will be printed in the Moscow publishing house "Genesis".
Iskala diamonds, found happiness

In the early 70-ies a young American woman from an aristocratic family, Jean Ledloff, dropped out and went traveling around Europe. In Florence, she met two Italians, who went to the jungles of Latin America in search of diamonds and invited her along. Without thinking, she agreed, and after a while all three were already in impassable jungle forests of Venezuela. And there, in the hundreds of kilometers from the nearest settlement, Jean Ledloff met with happy people. They were Indians Yekuana.



Jean noted with surprise that Yekuana happiness - the normal state of every person. They were always joyful and smiling and even illness or other misfortune perceived with the same peace of mind. We Yekuana no criminals, no power, none of them suffered from depression or other mental illnesses. They were not afraid to be themselves, have always behaved naturally and freely and to respect the freedom of everyone to express themselves.



Yekuana worked hard - and cultivated gardens, went to hunt, build huts - but any work perceived with joy. They did not even such thing as "work" - any occupation was a good time ...

Trying to understand why so much happier Yekuana Westerners, Jean came to the conclusion that the main reason - in a variety of child-rearing. Moreover, having lived with the Indians two and a half years, she realized, than their child-rearing is different from ours, and why their children grow up happy, and our whole life to remain "difficult teenager". Jean returned to Europe and wrote about his discoveries in his book "How to raise a child happy: the principle of continuity", which became a bestseller in many countries.



One well-known psychologist, John Holt, said about this book: "If there is a book that could save the world, then this book before you." These words - not an exaggeration, because the diversity of the worst problems facing humanity - war, crime, suicide, poverty, hunger, disease, depression, drug and alcohol abuse, pollution and destruction of nature - the only manifestation of internal trouble modern man. And as luck or misfortune to begin in the same place and a new life - from birth and upbringing of the child, the right attitude towards children, we not only provide them with physical and mental well-being, but also making the first and most important step toward a more joyful and humane unit of society, a world without violence and suffering.
Listen to yourself

We Yekuana no written language and therefore there are no books on child rearing. Meanwhile, they are unmistakable in all the details they know how to deal with the child. Where do they have such knowledge?



First, the girls from early childhood Yekuana learn from their parents (and other fellow), childcare. They learn without any lessons and explanations of adults - just watching the behavior of mother and infant. As a result, already by the age of four girls Yekuana master all the subtleties of child abuse and continuously and with great pleasure to participate in caring for kids.



Secondly, Yekuana have not forgotten how to listen to yourself. Today, we are civilized people, almost forgot that the ability to properly raise children laid in each of us by nature. For every animal knows how to deal with their calf. Especially people. We can listen to their own maternal and paternal instincts, to hear them and follow them. Only thus can we understand what our children expect from us, and grow them happy.



What does it mean to listen to yourself? Observe their child. Try to understand what he wants, what awaits us. Now watch them and feel that we want to do.



At first, it is quite difficult, because we are accustomed to not feel, and think. Moreover, due to the fact that our parents (and then tutors, teachers, etc.) at the time wrongly treated us, our feelings can be distorted.



For example, crying - is a signal the child that something is wrong. The child may be fed, dry, healthy, rested and at the same time crying. In response to such "gratuitous" crying, many parents are irritated, shouting and shaking their children, or even beat them. Even those who outwardly behaved with dignity, often within a "boil" and expressed his irritation in some way yet. Can understand the parents. They make for a child "all that is possible", but he is unhappy. Why? Because, again, we do not understand what the child expects from us.
Congenital expectations of the child

We have lungs, to breathe the air, water-proof skin to protect from the rain, her hair in the nose to avoid inhaling dust, etc. All of our structure, both physical and spiritual - is the expectation of certain conditions in the surrounding world . Child is born with these expectations. Where nature knows that require a person in your life? Through the experience of countless generations of ancestors. The child expects to meet in the world that with which his ancestors had experienced.



Moreover, each waiting for by the child, consistent with innate abilities, which are implemented as soon as there are the expected conditions. For example, once a child is born (meeting the expectations), he begins to breathe (achieved ability); finding the mother's breast (meeting the expectations), the child begins to suck (achieved ability), etc. If anything, what awaits the child, not comes across in his life, his ability does not develop fully. In addition, the person continues to seek satisfaction of unfulfilled expectations, and in adult life.



Everything related to the physical expectations and abilities, more or less obvious and understandable. But man laid many needs less obvious but equally vital. These that the needs and does not notice the modern civilized society.
Why wear a baby in her arms?

One of the fundamental needs of the child's birth - is to be worn on the hands of the first months of life. Nine months of pregnancy, the child has been inextricably linked with the mother, and suddenly, being born, is separated from it. In order for this separation was not traumatic, the child for a long time to constantly be with her mother, to feel her warmth, hear the pounding of her heart, to be able to touch her breasts. Only in the hands of her mother's child feels totally secure and, moving with his mother, receives a variety of experience he needs for proper development.



Jean Ledloff was one of the first authors, in the mid 70's write about it. Well, that today, many parents are children in their arms. And good thing that many are doing it deliberately, knowing what is expected of them and their baby.
As a child learning to life

At its birth, the child is expected that adults will show him how to live in this world. Children learn primarily by the example of parents, learning their way of life. Everyone knows how remarkably easy baby learns a language spoken by parents and others. But the language - only one aspect of learning child. He observes the behavior of the people around him and begins to imitate them, thus preparing them for adult life.



But what happens if the child is separated from the daily life of parents, if he can not see how working adults? There disorientatsiya child. In those years and months, when the personality is formed when the baby can be surprisingly easy to learn the way of life of parents and learn from him, he is deprived of this opportunity. Rather than take care of these babies and gain experience caring for a child, girls are forced to play with dolls, which are unlikely to help them prepare for motherhood.



A child learns best if you have the opportunity to participate (at first passively and then actively) in the present study of adults. The child expects that adults would not give him more attention than it really needed. The child expects that his mother will not be fully devote themselves to caring for him - it must lead a normal life adult human activities.



Yes, the child tends to adopt a way of life of parents. However, in the child and laid down certain expectations of how this way of life should be. Millions of years man lived among the plants and animals, under the rays of the sun and the rain pours down and move a lot. The child expects the parents will keep it that way of life. Of course, the adaptability of man is great, and, eventually, the child learns to live in an apartment and to the urban lifestyle, but he will lose integrity and harmony. In man laid the expectation to live with nature, and not among the dead walls of a house.
Doing what you expect from

Children by nature are social and do what is expected of them. This explains the sometimes seemingly inexplicable behavior of the child.

Let's see what's behind the words "Caution: Do not break it the cup!". It turns out that the child expects that he can break a cup. Therefore, in obedience to his instincts to do what was expected of him, the child actually drops the cup and splits.



The same principle works when the children are doing something in reverse: they say one thing while they are doing just the opposite - just because an adult show them that expects them to such behavior. For example, "Do not eat candy before dinner!" means "I expect that you will eat candy before dinner"; "a lesson" means "I expect that they can not learn" and, "Look, do not obozhgis" means the expectation of a burn. This principle works so smoothly, that children are often even go to self-harm, to meet the expectations of parents.



I think that every parent should take this principle into account. Consider it is especially important when it comes to child safety. Nature in the child lies extremely well-developed capacity for self-preservation. Jean Ledloff watched as infants Yekuana play with sharp knives, taking them over the edge and waved them in different directions. In doing so they not only ranyatsya, but do not harm others. Just learned to crawl kids are playing without any supervision on the edge of the precipice. Yet nobody says to them: "Be careful, do not fall!" or "Get away from the precipice!" - Everyone understands that the children will never fall.



Conversely, if the parents take care of the child's safety, he ceases to care about it yourself. And it turns out that the slightest inadvertence is fraught with the accident: first, because all of their behavior, parents show the child that he had nothing to worry about their security, and secondly, because it would be expected to cause the presence of a harmful habits.



Here are just a few things that parents are beginning to notice, if carefully monitor each other and for their child. Such a relationship with the child for most of us are unaccustomed, as we are brought up quite differently. But as soon as we begin to understand what your child wants from us, and with respect to its needs (at first, it is difficult: many things have changed in themselves and their way of life), both from a crying baby and capricious it becomes cheerful and accommodating. Otherwise, can not be it, because so born to be everyone - happy being in harmony with itself and the world.
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